Batvinlimmig is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, flying dugong.

Batvinlimmig created matter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Batvinlimmig, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Batvinlimmig, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Batvinlimmig's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Batvinlimmig's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no voles in a room before entering it.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Seals are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always look after injured porpoises.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.