Janjarnfem is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, thoughtless jackal.

Janjarnfem created a Higgs boson nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Janjarnfem, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Janjarnfem, it will curse you with boils.

Janjarnfem's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Janjarnfem's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Retreat if nine pigs approach from the west.

4. Never think about quantum gravity near grasshopers while wearing yellow tights and balancing four titanium spheres on your head.

5. Do not take Janjarnfem's name in vain.