Flamjarngep Gudnurldam is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, humane guinea pig.

Flamjarngep Gudnurldam created vertebrates seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flamjarngep Gudnurldam, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Flamjarngep Gudnurldam, he will turn you into a dog.

Flamjarngep Gudnurldam's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Flamjarngep Gudnurldam's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if six tapirs approach from the south.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never feed limes to hamsters while wearing stockings.

4. Never talk about comets.

5. Never go into yellow rooms.