Lopvonkar Camlisthan Fitgovquagdav is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, passionate beaver.

Lopvonkar Camlisthan Fitgovquagdav created gold nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Lopvonkar Camlisthan Fitgovquagdav, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Lopvonkar Camlisthan Fitgovquagdav, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Lopvonkar Camlisthan Fitgovquagdav's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Lopvonkar Camlisthan Fitgovquagdav's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear gray.

2. Never look at asteroids.

3. Never mention nematodes.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lopvonkar Camlisthan Fitgovquagdav.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.