Jonpitsandlak is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, unthoughtful gnu.

Jonpitsandlak created oxygen six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jonpitsandlak, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Jonpitsandlak, she will turn you into a tree.

Jonpitsandlak's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Jonpitsandlak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never hurt doves.

3. Never talk about cats.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Jonpitsandlak.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.