Tofvonk is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, witless wasp.

Tofvonk created the Milkyway nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Tofvonk, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tofvonk, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Tofvonk's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Tofvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Tofvonk's priests.

2. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.