Nellcinsan is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, egotistical slug.

Nellcinsan created the universe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nellcinsan, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Nellcinsan, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Nellcinsan's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Nellcinsan's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat doves with great respect.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Birds are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not trade with those who eat strawberries.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.