Omtnutmetdammegdav is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, passionate lobster.

Omtnutmetdammegdav created the cosmos three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Omtnutmetdammegdav, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Omtnutmetdammegdav, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Omtnutmetdammegdav's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Omtnutmetdammegdav's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Omtnutmetdammegdav.

3. Badgers are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always help goats.

5. Never mention snakes.