Futstanwab is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, stupid troll.

Futstanwab created snails five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futstanwab, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Futstanwab, it will turn you into a dog.

Futstanwab's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Futstanwab's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

3. Do not shave your hands.

4. Erect a large gold sculpture of Futstanwab on top of all buildings.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.
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