Largnulgidstipbodbemlam is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, overgenerous dove.

Largnulgidstipbodbemlam created bats three million years ago.

If you believe in Largnulgidstipbodbemlam, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Largnulgidstipbodbemlam, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Largnulgidstipbodbemlam's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Largnulgidstipbodbemlam's Holy Commandments

1. Put Largnulgidstipbodbemlam first in all things.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Capybaras are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never feed lemons to sharks while wearing pink trousers.