Sterpanbiftafxenfab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, ruthless turtle.

Sterpanbiftafxenfab created viruses nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sterpanbiftafxenfab, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Sterpanbiftafxenfab, he will curse you with boils.

Sterpanbiftafxenfab's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Sterpanbiftafxenfab's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit near manatees.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never think about quantum field theory near capybaras while wearing brown jumpers and balancing four silver spheres on your chest.

4. Never look at comets.

5. Do not dye your hair purple.