Gumtarpmipjop is a god.
He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, calm
goose.
Gumtarpmipjop created a top quark nine billion years ago.
If you believe in
Gumtarpmipjop, he will look on you favourably.
If you do not believe in
Gumtarpmipjop, he will turn you into a snail.
Gumtarpmipjop's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.
Gumtarpmipjop's Holy Commandments1. Never talk about monkeys.
2. Never talk about eukaryotes.
3. Fast once a month.
4. Do not listen to music.
5. Never talk about spacetime.