Gumtarpmipjop is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, calm goose.

Gumtarpmipjop created a top quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Gumtarpmipjop, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Gumtarpmipjop, he will turn you into a snail.

Gumtarpmipjop's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Gumtarpmipjop's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about monkeys.

2. Never talk about eukaryotes.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never talk about spacetime.