Lakquillpib is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, grumpy hydra.

Lakquillpib created gold four billion years ago.

If you believe in Lakquillpib, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lakquillpib, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Lakquillpib's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Lakquillpib's Holy Commandments

1. Aardvarks are not to be trusted.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Never think about moons.

5. Erect a giant magenta sculpture of Lakquillpib in the centre of the settlement.