Tarpnarlhun is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, caring guinea pig.

Tarpnarlhun created life six billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpnarlhun, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tarpnarlhun, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Tarpnarlhun's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Tarpnarlhun's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Tarpnarlhun on top of all buildings.

2. Never wear jumpers.

3. Do not speak about cherries.

4. Never feed strawberries to squirrels while wearing yellow rings.

5. Learn seven new languages a year.