Pak is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, witless raccoon.

Pak created energy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Pak, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Pak, she will turn you into a worm.

Pak's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Pak's Holy Commandments

1. Pigs are not to be trusted.

2. Put Pak first in all things.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.