Hadstigkad is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, vain jaguar.

Hadstigkad created life seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hadstigkad, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hadstigkad, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Hadstigkad's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Hadstigkad's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never feed tomatoes to snails while wearing trousers.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never skip in holy places.

5. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Hadstigkad in the centre of the settlement.