Gessflyfoss is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, selfish dryad.

Gessflyfoss created light two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gessflyfoss, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gessflyfoss, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Gessflyfoss' most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Gessflyfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Gessflyfoss' name in vain.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not speak about coconuts.

5. Always take life seriously.