Lanpaszog is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, fast squid.

Lanpaszog created water four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lanpaszog, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Lanpaszog, she will think nothing of it.

Lanpaszog's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Lanpaszog's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate seals.

2. Run away from violet tortoises, for they are unholy.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not wear iron on your body.

5. Never think about thermodynamics near geese while wearing pink stockings and balancing five copper spheres on your hands.