Flatmetbad is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, emotional coyote.

Flatmetbad created parasitic wasps two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatmetbad, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Flatmetbad, she will boil you in a big pot.

Flatmetbad's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Flatmetbad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Do not kill voles.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.