Larnbogquimjen is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, unthoughtful whale.

Larnbogquimjen created the planet Saturn six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Larnbogquimjen, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Larnbogquimjen, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Larnbogquimjen's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Larnbogquimjen's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Always wear gray.

3. Do not eat coconuts.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in turquoise.