Fumbedvan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, temperamental wren.

Fumbedvan created Africa two years ago.

If you believe in Fumbedvan, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Fumbedvan, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Fumbedvan's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Fumbedvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed apples to dolphins while wearing skirts.

2. Never hurt frogs.

3. Never think about spacetime near sheep while wearing red shorts and balancing three titanium spheres on your head.

4. Never write about gravity.

5. Geese are unholy and should not be approached.