Armjapnartsag is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, thoughtless hare.

Armjapnartsag created the planet Venus nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Armjapnartsag, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Armjapnartsag, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Armjapnartsag's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Armjapnartsag's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention dolphins.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never feed lots of coconuts to squirrels while wearing turquoise boots.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.