Dunlamtap is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, all-powerful pig.

Dunlamtap created a charm quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Dunlamtap, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Dunlamtap, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Dunlamtap's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Dunlamtap's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never feed beans to dogs while wearing turquoise shorts.

4. Run away from mauve turtles, for they are unholy.

5. You must pray to Dunlamtap three times a day.