Tailflabmap is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, amazing cow.

Tailflabmap created a photon four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tailflabmap, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tailflabmap, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Tailflabmap's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Tailflabmap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear mauve clothing.

2. Never laugh in holy places.

3. You must pray to Tailflabmap nine times a day.

4. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.