Nurrulcen is a god.

He takes the form of a large, overgenerous spider.

Nurrulcen created the planet Saturn two billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurrulcen, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Nurrulcen, he will destroy your home planet.

Nurrulcen's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Nurrulcen's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Worship no other gods but Nurrulcen.

3. Do not trade with those who eat aubergines.

4. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a room before entering it.

5. Never hurt gulls.