Kopbedtenpit is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, dishonest clam.

Kopbedtenpit created Europe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kopbedtenpit, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Kopbedtenpit, he will turn you into a puffin.

Kopbedtenpit's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Kopbedtenpit's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Always wear fawn.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never think about dark energy near sheep while wearing pink shirts and balancing five silver spheres on your head.

5. Never eat green fruit.