Ontnellcan is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, compassionate porpoise.

Ontnellcan created the Andromeda Galaxy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontnellcan, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Ontnellcan, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Ontnellcan's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Ontnellcan's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat tortoises with great respect.

2. Never mention eagles.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. You must never eat parsnips.