Queegtunjen is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, emotional mole.

Queegtunjen created parasitic wasps five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Queegtunjen, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Queegtunjen, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Queegtunjen's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Queegtunjen's Holy Commandments

1. Put Queegtunjen first in all things.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never think about quantum field theory near ants while wearing mauve stockings and balancing six gold spheres on your head.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not eat carrots.