Wontarnan is a god.
She takes the form of an enormous, two-faced
coyote.
Wontarnan created tapeworms seven billion years ago.
If you believe in
Wontarnan, she will grant you eternal life.
If you do not believe in
Wontarnan, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.
Wontarnan's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.
Wontarnan's Holy Commandments1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.
2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.
3. Never mention whales.
4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate turtles.
5. Never think about enzymes.