Ontpoggid Minrenbad is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, boastful elephant.

Ontpoggid Minrenbad created the world four million years ago.

If you believe in Ontpoggid Minrenbad, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Ontpoggid Minrenbad, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Ontpoggid Minrenbad's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Ontpoggid Minrenbad's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at black holes.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

3. You must love Ontpoggid Minrenbad.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Always make sure there are no ducks in a room before entering it.