Zodlogjan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, charitable armadillo.

Zodlogjan created dark energy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zodlogjan, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zodlogjan, he will laugh at you.

Zodlogjan's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Zodlogjan's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

2. Never paint your feet fawn.

3. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Zodlogjan in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always look after injured snakes.

5. Always pray immersed in water.