Batpidgep is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, annoying guinea pig.

Batpidgep created life eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Batpidgep, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Batpidgep, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Batpidgep's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Batpidgep's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Never feed coconuts to doves while wearing fawn corsets.

3. Worship no other gods but Batpidgep.

4. Retreat if seven sharks approach from the north.

5. Never mention turtles.