Kapquimkin is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, unthoughtful scorpion.

Kapquimkin created the planet Venus two billion years ago.

If you believe in Kapquimkin, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Kapquimkin, she will turn you into a goat.

Kapquimkin's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Kapquimkin's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Kapquimkin loves gulls, so they must be respected.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Always make sure there are no swans in a building before entering it.