Stafpomsakbid is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, thoughtless zebra.

Stafpomsakbid created the universe two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stafpomsakbid, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Stafpomsakbid, it will turn you into a puffin.

Stafpomsakbid's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Stafpomsakbid's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not kill manatees.

5. Always wear purple.