Kartipkiparn is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, moody narwhal.

Kartipkiparn created a charm quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Kartipkiparn, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Kartipkiparn, he will turn you into a dog.

Kartipkiparn's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Kartipkiparn's Holy Commandments

1. Dolphins are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Put Kartipkiparn first in all things.

3. Never wear brown shoes.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. You must never eat gooseberries.