Flagzakwad is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, dishonourable rat.

Flagzakwad created humankind two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flagzakwad, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Flagzakwad, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Flagzakwad's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Flagzakwad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Never talk about thermodynamics near mice while wearing violet scarves.

3. Always help nematodes.

4. Never run near aardvarks.

5. Never look at galaxies.