Kabcemnurl is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, caring walrus.

Kabcemnurl created bats eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kabcemnurl, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Kabcemnurl, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Kabcemnurl's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Kabcemnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum field theory near dolphins while wearing magenta rings and balancing seven copper spheres on your face.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Put Kabcemnurl first in all things.

5. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Kabcemnurl in the centre of the settlement.