Vonlaksiglit is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, omnipotent narwhal.

Vonlaksiglit created water five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonlaksiglit, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Vonlaksiglit, he will turn you into a puffin.

Vonlaksiglit's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Vonlaksiglit's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never run in holy places.

3. You must never eat bread.

4. Never eat peanuts.

5. Do not wear titanium on your body.