Flansawgepdap is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, almighty narwhal.

Flansawgepdap created parasitic wasps six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flansawgepdap, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Flansawgepdap, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Flansawgepdap's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Flansawgepdap's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed garlic to rats while wearing tights.

2. Pigs are not to be trusted.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate moths.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.