Matmaptim is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, conceited alligator.

Matmaptim created the Sun seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Matmaptim, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Matmaptim, it will jump up and down on your head.

Matmaptim's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Matmaptim's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never eat spinach.

4. Feed all hungry capybaras.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.