Flamarptad is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, charitable slug.

Flamarptad created a photon four million years ago.

If you believe in Flamarptad, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Flamarptad, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Flamarptad's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Flamarptad's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Flamarptad in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Always treat cats with great respect.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Flamarptad.