Vonkpadnill is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, awesome whale.

Vonkpadnill created the Small Magellanic Cloud six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkpadnill, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Vonkpadnill, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Vonkpadnill's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Vonkpadnill's Holy Commandments

1. Vonkpadnill loves rats, so they must be honoured.

2. Hide from pink porpoises for they are unholy.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never look at planets.

5. Always treat turtles with great respect.