Titbatbap is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, clever dog.

Titbatbap created water eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Titbatbap, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Titbatbap, she will boil you in a big pot.

Titbatbap's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Titbatbap's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant violet sculpture of Titbatbap in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not trade with those who eat turnips.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never eat figs.

5. Always make sure there are no seals in a room before entering it.