Staffabtik Zogflagzagjiprillvabkonfit is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, fast dove.

Staffabtik Zogflagzagjiprillvabkonfit created the planet Jupiter five billion years ago.

If you believe in Staffabtik Zogflagzagjiprillvabkonfit, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Staffabtik Zogflagzagjiprillvabkonfit, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Staffabtik Zogflagzagjiprillvabkonfit's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Staffabtik Zogflagzagjiprillvabkonfit's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never mention seals.

4. Never hurt snakes.

5. Never eat melons.