Futbabkoptof is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, pitiless ant.

Futbabkoptof created Africa five million years ago.

If you believe in Futbabkoptof, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Futbabkoptof, she will turn you into a worm.

Futbabkoptof's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Futbabkoptof's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never feed cherries to geese while wearing scarves.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not dye your hair purple.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mice.