Metvannat Hogjab is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, contented deer.

Metvannat Hogjab created the world two billion years ago.

If you believe in Metvannat Hogjab, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Metvannat Hogjab, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Metvannat Hogjab's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Metvannat Hogjab's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick aardvarks.

2. Cats are not to be trusted.

3. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in brown.

4. Never think about quantum mechanics near mice while wearing cyan scarves and balancing three silicon spheres on your neck.

5. Never jump in the presence of tortoises.