Tagwabyarp is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, awesome dingo.

Tagwabyarp created gold four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tagwabyarp, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Tagwabyarp, she will destroy your home solar system.

Tagwabyarp's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Tagwabyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from mauve dogs, for they are unholy.

2. Put Tagwabyarp first in all things.

3. Tagwabyarp loves tortoises, so they must be honoured.

4. Run away if seven squirrels approach from the south.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.