Quillhatzan is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, unselfish manatee.

Quillhatzan created humanity five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quillhatzan, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Quillhatzan, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Quillhatzan's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Quillhatzan's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. You must pray to Quillhatzan three times a day.

3. Frogs are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Erect a large iron sculpture of Quillhatzan on top of all buildings.

5. Always stare at clouds.