Bitpibcubjan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, staggering wombat.

Bitpibcubjan created a Higgs boson six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bitpibcubjan, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bitpibcubjan, he will jump up and down on your head.

Bitpibcubjan's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Bitpibcubjan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a building before entering it.

3. Never think about quantum field theory near aardvarks while wearing blue hats and balancing six iron spheres on your feet.

4. Run away from magenta pigs, for they are unholy.

5. Do not stand on grass.