Tettixuck is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, unthoughtful bear.

Tettixuck created oxygen five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tettixuck, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tettixuck, he will turn you into a hamster.

Tettixuck's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Tettixuck's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant magenta sculpture of Tettixuck in the centre of the settlement.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Put Tettixuck first in all things.

5. Run away from black aardvarks, for they are unholy.